super joe vs chuck, who's the ultimate tough guy?

some outlandish readers have suggested that Joe McEwing wouldn't stand a snowball's chance in hell against Chuck Norris in a manly man competition. these people are clearly wrong and we have the facts to prove it. the following are several known truths about both Chuck and Joe...

1. Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.


2. The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.


3. Chuck Norris has counted to infiniti. twice.


4. Chuck Norris can win a game of connect four in just three moves.


5. The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.


6. Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.


7. Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.


8. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.


9. Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.


10. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
    

Now these are some impressive facts, but do they stand up against Super Joe McEwing's toughness...

1. Super Joe is so tough, that Roger Clemens once had Brian McNamee inject some Super Joe into his gluteus.


2. Super Joe can play all 9 positions on the field. At the same time.


3. When Super Joe charges the mound, the opposing team clears the field and runs back into their dugout.


4. Super Joe is so tough he once jumped five rows into the stands head first to catch a foul ball. During batting practice.


5. Super Joe is so tough he once bunted for a home run.


6. Super Joe is so tough he once voted himself on to the All Star team all by himself. As a write-in.


7. Super Joe is so tough he doesn't need to wear a cup. But he does, just to set a good example for the kids.


8. Super Joe doesn't do steroids. Steroids do Super Joe.


9. Super Joe is so tough that when Bobby Valentine wore a fake mustache, Super Joe was still able to recognize him.
   
10. Super Joe is so tough that he once robbed a 7 year old girl of a home run ball. He literally wrestled it away from her.
    

so, who's the tougher guy? you decide. and for you Super Joe supporters, be sure to sign the Get Joe McEwing into the HOF petition.