Life-long NY Yankees fan, Billy Crystal was signed by the Yankees to a one-game contract.
The Daily News reports that:
"Crystal will join the Yankees as a player - yes, a player - Wednesday, signing a one-day contract that includes an invitation to spring training. According to the Yankees' press release, the "contract" was approved by commissioner Bud Selig."
This led me to thinking (a la' Bill Veek), wouldn't other teams - teams, perhaps not as popular or profitable as the Yankees - be better off by following suit?
Imagine a team like the Tampa Bay Rays, or the Kansas City Royals, or the Pittsburgh Pirates - teams that have absolutely no shot at winning their division, making the playoffs, or attracting large groups of fans - doing exactly what the Yankees are doing with Crystal. Imagine them signing a celebrity...
But, rather than doing it as a "one-game in spring training" promotion, they sign the celebrity for the entire season. Now imagine, not one celebrity, but an entire team of celebrities. Presumably, they would have to be B-Listers... the big name celebrities would want no part in a grueling 162 game schedule. They could be your classic has-beens from the 80's, Dancing With The Stars or Celebrity Rehab celebrities. The ones desperate enough for attention to actually agree to this radical idea.
Imagine a team made up of Gary Coleman, Chuck Norris, Corey Feldman, Vanilla Ice, Flavor Flav, Verne Troyer, and Mr. T. We could even include some athletes from other sports, if need be - Dennis Rodman, Hulk Hogan, Tie Domi, and Ricky Williams. And to give the team a shot at competing, let's toss in some washed up baseball players - John Rocker, Barry Bonds, Jose Canseco, Rickey Henderson, Darryl Strawberry, and John Kruk. And for manager, let's play it safe and go with someone like Don Zimmer or Bobby Valentine to teach them the fundamentals.
Granted, the prospects of my "dream team" winning too many games (okay, any games) look bleak. However, the odds of the Royals or the Pirates winning are arguably just as bleak.
The betting odds at the moment for the Rays, Pirates, and Royals to reach the World Series are all 200-1. Replace anyone of their rosters with mine and their odds drop to what? 500-1? 1,000-1? 1,000,000-1? Does it really matter? Is there a big difference between .05% and .0000001% ? Not in my eyes.
But look at all the positives of a celebrity dream team...
- They are guaranteed to sell more tickets than they do now.
- The media coverage following them will be huge (imagine an ESPN reporter standing next to the reporter from TMZ). They are sure to be covered more than any other team in baseball, which will get Hank Steinbrenner pretty mad.
- Payroll spending could be cut back. Currently the Kansas City Royals payroll sits at approximately $67,000,000. By paying our celebrities $2.5 Million each, the payroll would drop to $62,500,000. A $4.5 Million savings!
- Name recognition. Right now can you honestly name more than two players on either the Royals or the Pirates? Exactly. While no one has a clue who John Van Benschoten is - everyone will be talking about Mr. T yelling "I pity the fool!" at the umpire.
- They don't even need their own network. VH1 will turn into the team's network, replacing such hit shows as Flavor of Love, Hogan knows Best, and Scott Baio is 46 and Pregnant.
- Baseball hostory. Baseball purists will now have the chance of witness
ing baseball history, such as the first back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to-back perfect games. Most walks in a season (by Verne Troyer). Most brawls in a season (courtesy of Rodman, the Hulkster, Domi, and Mr. T).
Really, what do these teams have to lose?
2 comments:
After Eddie Gaddell got his one at-bat and was walked Major League Baseball instituted a height minimum that Verne Troyer is propably under.
really? isn't that illegal? what if there really was a great midget who wanted to play baseball?
also, admit it, wouldn't you rather watch my celebrity all star team over the royals, pirates (or indians)?
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