(excerpt from the Vaad HaChumras D"GTSA)
In their ongoing effort to save the holy neshamos of our wonderful kinderlach, The Vaad HaChumras D' Greater TriState Area, has decided to ban the latest trouble making musician, Uncle Moishy.
Reb Yankel Shnicklesfeld, spokesperson for the Vaad since its inception in 1987, said that the Vaad HaChumras will not stop their ban onslaught until Moshiach comes. "It is our duty as the self-appointed Vaad Hachumras to keep churning out bans as quickly as society keeps churning out anything with some sort of entertainment or amusement value."
The Vaad's impressive list of bans to-date includes music, Internet, pants, smiling, Miami, bike riding, high fiving, ice cream, jelly beans, rainbows, and unicorns.
When asked about the latest Uncle Moishy ban, Reb Shnicklesfeld quickly referred to controversial lyrics from such hits as Hashem is here, Hashem is there.
Hashem is here,
Hashem is there,
Hashem is truly everywhere...
"How can Uncle Moishy claim to know the exact whereabouts of Hashem?" Reb Shnicklesfeld asked our reporter. "This type of kefirah is exactly what's ruining our pure children's' neshamos. Look at this video, for example, where Uncle Moishy is clearly encouraging unlicensed children to operate bulldozers and other assorted heavy machinery (0:10)! And I won't even mention the safety hazards involved in that scene where he is violently shaking a child (0:25)."
Although Uncle Moishy could not be reached for comment, we did speak with a former member of his entourage, Mr. Gedalya Gumberg. He did confess that Uncle Moishy wasn't exactly the best role model for him.
"Uncle Moishy was like a... well, like... an uncle to me, you might say. He took me in off the streets. Taught me how to make brachos, the aleph bet... things were going good. I trusted him. He told me I could be a Mitzvah Man if I played my cards right." Gedalyah begins to choke up at this point.
"But then there was the weight problem. I started putting on a few pounds. He started calling me 'Big Gedalya' or Big Gedalya Gumberg. The other Mitzvah Men would laugh. Even Dr. Green would joke that maybe he should've invented a weight loss machine rather than the Midos machine. I took it hard. Really hard."
For more information on up to the minute chumras, visit the Vaad HaChumras online at, http://www.wecanasurthat.com/.
1 comment:
if anyone would like, Dov Bear has a "Creat A Ban" on his blog...might come in useful when we assur shoes with laces (it's bitul torah to tie them!!)
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